


Beautiful Mess

by carolinecrane



Category: Deadliest Catch RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-30
Updated: 2010-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:59:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both know he didn't come here for beers and reminiscing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Mess

**Author's Note:**

> The whole 'hiding out in Jake's apartment' thing was jossed later on when we learned more about their home lives during "After the Catch", but this is the first Jake/Josh fic I wrote, so I post it for the sake of posterity.

It takes Josh a few tries to find the right building. This isn't a part of town he knows; he grew up further south, and as kids they mostly stayed to their own part of the city. He's been out this way with friends a few times, but they mostly stick to downtown and the trendy clubs. This neighborhood is quiet and lined with cottages, kids' toys out front and it's a long way from the neighborhood where he grew up.

But that's the whole point, because coming here means he won't run into anyone who knows him. That doesn't stop him from looking over his shoulder as he heads toward the apartment building, scanning the empty parking lot the same way he would back in Dutch, where the chances of running into someone from the fleet were a lot better than they are now.

When he finds the right door he hesitates for a second before he knocks, holds his breath and half-hopes he won't get an answer. And it's stupid to be this nervous, but it's just as stupid to be doing this at all. He thinks about turning around and walking away, but before he can move the door opens, and then it's too late.

"Hey." Jake's standing there in jeans and a t-shirt, hair a little damp like he just got out of the shower. He stands aside to let Josh in, closes the door without glancing outside to make sure no one's watching them. Josh has to check the urge to make sure his brother's not out there – or worse, his father – turning his attention instead to Jake's place.

There's not much to it; white walls, a couch that looks like it's been through a couple owners, a small TV sitting on top of the box it came in. It's a far cry from the big screen Josh's brother wheedled their dad into buying, the leather couch or even the apartment Josh signed a lease on as soon as he got back from Alaska.

"You want a beer or something?" Jake asks from behind him.

They both know he didn't come here for beers and reminiscing. He shrugs and turns to face Jake; he's a lot closer than Josh was expecting, those big eyes of his watching like he's waiting for Josh to do something. It's still not too late to change his mind, to say 'this is a mistake' and walk right back out the way he came. Because this thing between them was supposed to stay in Dutch; it was just a couple guys killing time, and it never meant anything. Only they're back in town now, back to their lives and he still can't stop thinking about it.

"How's Phil?" Jake asks, and Josh shrugs again because he really doesn't want to talk about his father.

"Stubborn. Alive." Just barely, he doesn't add, and wonders idly if finding out about this would be the final nail in the old man's coffin. He's not sure who would be madder; his old man for finding out one of his sons is a fag, or Sig for finding out one of his greenhorns is fraternizing. He shakes his head at the thought and reaches out before he can stop himself, gripping the front of Jake's shirt to pull him forward. "Can we talk about something else?"

He doesn't wait for an answer; instead he hauls Jake forward and kisses him hard, his free hand landing on the back of Jake's head to hold him close. As soon as he realizes what's happening Jake's hands are on him, pushing his jacket open to slide up Josh's shirt. Heat spreads through Josh in the wake of Jake's touch, and he lets out a sound that sounds a lot like a moan.

Josh knows he should be embarrassed by how much he wants this, but it's been a month since the last time and he hasn't been thinking about much else since he got back to Seattle. He's tried – God knows he's tried everything he can think of to distract himself – but he keeps coming back to Jake. To the way his hands feel on Josh's skin, pushing his expensive leather jacket off and dropping it on the floor like it's one of those damn sweatshirts the show keeps giving them all.

And as far as Jake's concerned it might as well be, because he's never cared about that stuff. He doesn't care about nice furniture or an apartment in the right part of town; all he cares about is fishing, whether it's salmon in Bristol or crab up in Dutch. He's so focused on the job that it came as a surprise the first time Jake followed him back to his room, and Josh is still pretty sure if he hadn't drank so much that night he never would have worked up the courage to do it.

Or maybe he was just desperate; it gets pretty lonely at sea, even for somebody who loves fishing as much as Jake. Add to that the tension between him and Matt and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why he finally made a move. There's not much to do with that kind of frustration but fight or fuck; Matt chose fight, and Jake…well, Jake chose him.

So Josh doesn't complain about his two hundred dollar jacket hitting the floor. He doesn't complain about the fingers fumbling with his buttons, either, but he pushes Jake's hands out of the way and eases his own shirt off to toss it over the arm of the couch. His pants are next and by the time he's down to his briefs, Jake's tugging his t-shirt over his head and backing down the hall.

And Josh was fine with the couch, but the bedroom seems like an even better idea. It's got to be more comfortable than the few hours they managed to get alone in Alaska, crammed in a single bed in the town's only motel. Or worse, pressed up against a bathroom wall and half-expecting to get caught at any second.

This is the first time they've been able to take their time, but somehow the fact that he's in Jake's apartment makes it feel more dangerous than all those other times. That doesn't stop him from following Jake to the bedroom, breath catching in his throat when he finds Jake stretched out on the tangled sheets and stroking his cock while he waits for Josh to catch up.

For a few seconds he just stands in the doorway and watches Jake's hand moving slowly, fingers gripped loosely around his cock and his free hand resting on his bare stomach. He's not even trying to be sexy; he never _tries_ to be anything but Jake. But he's so intense about everything that he can't help it, and when he turns that focus on Josh there's nothing hotter.

Josh kicks his briefs off and crosses to the bed, plants his knees on either side of Jake's hips and leans down to kiss him again. He can feel Jake's hand still moving between them, the head of his cock sliding against Josh's stomach and sending a fresh shiver through him. Josh reaches between them and wraps his own hand around Jake's, gripping firmly and dragging a low moan out of him. Jake bucks up into Josh's grip and his free hand grips Josh's bicep, fingers tightening just hard enough to let Josh know that Jake's been missing this as much as he has.

He doesn't think about the reason that makes him feel better. Instead he mouths his way along Jake's jaw, stubble rough against his tongue as he searches for the spot that makes Jake thrust against him. And he's discovered most of these spots already, but he's never had the time to explore them, so he opens his mouth against Jake's skin until he's panting and begging Josh to do _something_.

It's the _please_ that gets him, low and breathy and the sound of his voice goes straight to Josh's hard-on. Not that that's anything new; he dreaded running into Jake in the yard in Dutch because he knew what would happen if Jake so much as said hi to him. Even his _voice_ is intense, and Josh should be used to it by now, but it still gets him every time.

"Say it again," Josh says before he even realizes he's thinking it, hands braced on either side of Jake and staring down into those eyes.

"What?" Jake asks, panting and a little dazed and Josh can't help laughing at his confusion.

"Tell me what you want," Josh answers, enjoying the novelty of just being able to have a conversation.

"I want you to stop fucking teasing me and do something," Jake says, but he's grinning and Josh doesn't really mind that he won't say it again. Because he heard it the first time, heard the way Jake's voice dropped when he begged Josh to suck him off. And it's not like he's going to say no, but for once he doesn't have to hurry.

So he takes his time giving Jake what he wants, sliding his hands over pale skin as he sits back on his knees to look down at the body stretched out in front of him. Jake reaches for his cock again but Josh pushes his hand away, wrapping his own fingers around the base and leaning down to slide his tongue along Jake's length.

Jake's groan goes straight to Josh's cock, but he ignores his own need and focuses on giving Jake just enough to keep his right on the edge. Because he doesn't want Jake to come, not like this. It wouldn't be the first time, and Josh hopes it won't be the last, but while they have the chance he wants to do this right. So he grips the base of Jake's dick hard and works his mouth around the head, glancing up through his eyelashes to watch Jake watching him. And Jesus, those eyes are going to kill him, Josh is pretty sure, because he knows there's no way he'll ever get enough of them.

But he's not thinking about that, just like he's not thinking about salmon season and just how long Jake will stay on land before he can't take it anymore. Josh knows the type; he _is_ the type, sort of. He's not his father, that's for sure, but he tried leaving crabbing behind once before and he couldn't stay away. So he gets it, but he's never going to be as obsessed with it as Jake. For Jake there's nothing else, no plan B to fall back on if anything ever goes wrong with his fishing career.

And it's probably better that way, because if they keep this up they're going to get caught. So it's better if Jake's hundreds of miles away chasing salmon or whatever, but that doesn't mean Josh has to like it.

He shuts his eyes and focuses on finding the right rhythm, matching the rocking of Jake's hips until Jake's moaning and gripping his hair. When he's close Josh pulls off, ignoring the frustrated noise and crawling back over him. "Have you got any lube around?"

Jake focuses long enough to gesture toward the only other piece of furniture in the room: a beat-up dresser that's seen much better days. "Top drawer."

Josh nods and climbs off the bed in search of lube, hoping Jake's got some condoms in there too so he doesn't have to go rifle through his own clothes. When he finds the condoms sitting right next to the lube he grins; he should know better than to doubt Jake after all this time, especially considering his reputation on the Northwestern. He's the most reliable guy on the Sea, to hear Edgar and Sig tell it, and it's no surprise that translates to his sex life too.

He shuts the drawer and turns back to the bed, expecting to find Jake still sprawled right where Josh left him. But he's sitting up, _watching_ with that expression that makes Josh feel way past naked. He crosses back to the bed and lets Jake pull the lube out of his hand, lets himself be pulled back down to the mattress and pushed onto his stomach.

And he hasn't minded doing most of the work so far, but he likes this Jake too. He likes the feel of those strong hands on his hips, pulling him back onto his knees. Likes the brush of chapped lips against his skin as the condom wrapper opens and Jake rolls it onto his cock. He likes the feel of Jake's fingers pushing into him, hot and slick and taking his time the way they couldn't in Alaska.

Except that Josh has been waiting for this way too long already, and he's not feeling all that patient right now. "Just fuck me already," he finally says, cock twitching at the sound of Jake's answering laugh.

But Jake's fingers disappear, and a second later Jake's cock is pushing inside him. And he didn't set out to be monogamous – they definitely haven't had _that_ conversation, and Josh is pretty sure they're never going to – but he hasn't gotten around to fucking anybody else since he's been home. So it feels good and familiar, but it feels like _more_ , and he lets out a moan and reaches down to stroke his cock in time with Jake's slow thrusts.

There's a sick part of him that wonders if Jake's fucked anybody else since their last time in Dutch. He wants to ask, but that's getting a little too close to that conversation they're never going to have, so he doesn't. Instead he pushes back hard against Jake's next thrust, then again until Jake takes the hint and picks up the pace. His fingers are digging hard into Josh's sides, like he's struggling to hold onto enough control to keep from coming.

Josh likes knowing that he can make Jake lose control, but he likes it even more when he can watch while Jake loses it. He pulls forward when Jake pulls back, biting his lip against the sudden loss and flipping onto his back to look up at Jake. Just for a second Jake looks confused, but then the intensity comes rushing back and he kneels between Josh's legs and pushes his thighs apart. They've never done it like this before, and Josh feels weirdly exposed all of a sudden. But he kind of likes knowing that Jake's watching him, and when Jake pushes back inside him Josh thrusts up to meet him.

His eyes flutter closed when Jake's hand closes around his cock, but he fights them open again to take in the expression on Jake's face. And yeah, he definitely likes watching Jake fight for control, especially when he has a clear view for once. He knows better than to assume they'll do this again, but Jake's the one who called him, and maybe he'll want to see Josh again before he heads back out to sea. He hopes so, because he's pretty sure he's not going to stop thinking about this until he sees Jake again.

Josh fists his hands into the sheets and tries not to think about how far in over his head he already is. Instead he focuses on matching each of Jake's strokes, thrusting harder and harder until Jake mutters something incoherent and comes inside him. For a few long seconds he goes completely still, then he lets out a sigh and slumps over Josh to press a half-hearted kiss against his jaw. He pants against Josh's neck while Josh wraps a hand around his cock and strokes hard, still fighting the urge to close his eyes because he wants to see every second of this.

And it's worth it, because if he'd closed his eyes he wouldn't see Jake lifting his head up to watch, all that intense focus trained on Josh's fingers now as he arches into his own hand and comes. He's still panting when Jake's hand lands on his stomach, tracing a pattern through the come on his skin. Then he lifts his hand to his mouth and sucks his fingers clean, and Josh blushes at the feeble twitching of his cock.

Jake raises an eyebrow and comes up on his elbow to look down at Josh. "If you want to go again you're going to have to give me a little more time to recover. I'm older than you."

"Two years, big deal," Josh says, but he grins at the thought of waiting around for Jake to recuperate. At least that means there will be another time, and he won't have to wait anywhere near as long as he thought. "But I'll take that beer now, old man."

He braces himself for an excuse about having somewhere to be, for Jake to hurry him out of the apartment and lock the door behind him. Instead Jake just rolls his eyes, his lips brushing Josh's chin as he pushes himself off the mattress. A second later he's gone, and Josh falls back against the pillows and finally closes his eyes. He listens Jake in the bathroom, then muffled footsteps in the dingy carpet as Jake makes his way back to the kitchen. When the mattress dips Josh opens his eyes and slides back against the wall before he reaches out for the beer Jake offers him.

"So Phil's okay, then?" Jake asks, picking up their conversation pretty much where it left off in the living room. And Josh doesn't want to talk about his father, but he gets why Jake's asking. Everybody in the fleet's worried about Phil, and in a weird way it's sort of comforting.

"For now," Josh answers, because it's the only answer he's got. Whether or not Phil's okay is up to Phil, and nothing Josh says is going to change that. Josh doesn't know if Jake gets that, but he doesn't push for more information, and that alone makes Josh want to grab him and kiss him again. Instead he takes a long pull of beer and settles a little further down on the mattress, pressing his shoulder against Jake's.

He still doesn't know what they're doing. He doesn't know if Jake's staying in town or if he's already got a job lined up in Bristol. He knows he should ask just so he can stop thinking about it, but it feels sort of…normal, just being here like this, and if he doesn't ask, he can pretend for at least a little while.


End file.
